Somebody needs to make this

"nermal" (nermal) 12/14/2018 at 18:41 • Filed to: Bad Ideas, Foodopnik, Does what's inside taste worse than the box?, Peer Pressure, How bad could it be?

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I didn’t know it existed, but now that I do I wanna know what it’s like.

Could it be that bad? 

HammerheadFistpunch > nermal 12/14/2018 at 18:48

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It can’t be that good. There are alot of good and easy pizza dough recipes and the rest is just regular old toppings. I helped my 5 year old make us hawaiin pizza last night.  Easy.

lone_liberal > nermal 12/14/2018 at 18:48

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Do you know how that Chef Boyardee sauce tastes in Spaghetti Os? It tastes like that on a cracker.   

facw > HammerheadFistpunch 12/14/2018 at 18:50

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Yep pizza dough is not hard, and even if you don’t want to clean up as much, a pre- made bag of fresh dough costs like $1.50

Stef Schrader > nermal 12/14/2018 at 18:52

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I hate to admit that I’m curious about it, but...

Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch 12/14/2018 at 18:53

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Hawaiian pizza = immediate revocation of all pizza street cred points

Textured Soy Protein > lone_liberal 12/14/2018 at 18:54

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Spaghetti-O's and Chef Boyardee are competitors. Spaghetti-O sauce is totally different from Chef Boyardee sauce!

wafflesnfalafel > nermal 12/14/2018 at 18:55

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I think those were a bigger deal in the 70's - it made Saturday special for a bunch of kids of that generation.

HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein 12/14/2018 at 18:55

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Nuts to that noise. Hawaiian pizza for life.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > facw 12/14/2018 at 18:56

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People always say this and I personally think messing with any dough is hard and a PITA. I’m a pretty above average baker (mostly cheesecakes and shit) but it always baffles me when people proclaim pizza dough is child’s play.

Two cheesecakes I’ve made from scratch:

lone_liberal > Textured Soy Protein 12/14/2018 at 18:56

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Argh! I need to brush up on my crappy canned pasta! I meant Ravioli sauce, of course!

Textured Soy Protein > lone_liberal 12/14/2018 at 18:58

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It’s been decades since I had any of that stuff but I was all about the Chef Boyardee *and* Spaghetti-O’s when I was a kid. Spaghetti-O sauce is sweeter and thinner. 

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > nermal 12/14/2018 at 18:58

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It’s bad. Go to Trader Joe’s and buy their pre- made dough for $1.50 and a jar of any sauce. It will be better . We ate this a lot as kids, for some reason. My mom is a terrible cook and we were poor but I remember making this together. One of the few food things we did as a family.

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > HammerheadFistpunch 12/14/2018 at 18:58

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siding with the vegan here

i used to like you man... but now... i think we cant be friends :p

facw > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 12/14/2018 at 19:00

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I don’t know, seems to work ok for me. Some recipes are harder than others because they want very wet/sticky dough, but in general they behave pretty nicely. My only major incident involved a peel failure (shot it right off my stone, where it proceeded to fall through the rack and catch on fire). I bake on parchment now, which seems to make things a lot easier.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Textured Soy Protein 12/14/2018 at 19:01

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Garlic, tomatoes, pineapple, and spinach or arugula is one my favorite combos. Margarita is up there too but I’m not sure it would be passable with non dairy cheese. Join the sweet, delicious , pineappley side :p

MoCamino > nermal 12/14/2018 at 19:03

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The sauce is super bland - basically Spaghetti-O’s sauce. The crust is very bready- someplace between hand tossed and deep dish but without the good crunch on the outside that makes crust great. I am an equal opportunity pizza eater and believe just about every pizza has a time and place - but Chef Boy pizza is really  low on the spectrum of “good” pizza.  I could eat great pizza everyday.  This is NOT great pizza.  

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > facw 12/14/2018 at 19:03

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I think the dough being sticky is my issue. I certainly do not have all the equipment either (like a peel). But I never understood the physics behind a peel actually working. You have to dust it with a ton of cornmeal, right?

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > nermal 12/14/2018 at 19:05

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It. Is. Inedible.

Seriously. I’ve made it. They were out of my dough mix, “it’s pizza, you can’t fuck it up THAT bad,” and I was hit by a wave of apathy.

It’s the same garbage ‘red sauce-like substance’ they use in Spaghettios atop a ‘dough’ that bakes to the consistency of rock, with the taste of cardboard, with a “ cheese” that I am 100% certain is required by the FDA to be put in quotes at all times or otherwise be labeled a ‘imitation cheese substance (50% sawdust by volume) .’

Textured Soy Protein > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 12/14/2018 at 19:05

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Pineapple is an unacceptable pizza topping.

Pickles on a cheeseburger pizza, I'm willing to allow however.

HammerheadFistpunch > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 12/14/2018 at 19:07

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flavor calls and i must answer

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > HammerheadFistpunch 12/14/2018 at 19:09

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i love pizza.... i love pineapple

the two must never be combined

its as big a sin as putting your ice cream on the plate at the same time as the rest of your food at a buffet

facw > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 12/14/2018 at 19:11

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On parchment, the peel works fine without any effort. Without it, I tend to prefer using flour as opposed to cornmeal (the flour will get absorbed or flake off, while the cornmeal will stick leaving a texture I’m not a fan of). Using flour does mean you need to work fast, because you don’t want it to soak through and become sticky before you are ready to get things in the oven.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > facw 12/14/2018 at 19:13

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Maybe I’ll try parchment paper next time. I don’t like the stress of having to move quickly on a step in the kitchen. Cooking is my leisure time haha

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Textured Soy Protein 12/14/2018 at 19:17

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Pickles!?!?!?!

I think cheeseburger pizza is an abomination from the get go. Do you at least put them on after the pizza is baked?

every day we stray further from god. gif

facw > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 12/14/2018 at 19:18

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It’s way easier, and while maybe it makes it a little harder for moisture to bake out, I haven’t noticed any significant difference in crispiness.

someassemblyrequired > nermal 12/14/2018 at 19:18

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I’d rather have Sbarro, that’s how bad it is.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > facw 12/14/2018 at 19:21

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Perfect, thanks for the tip!

HammerheadFistpunch > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 12/14/2018 at 19:55

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i understand. i have strong feelings about fruit in salsa (forged in the pits  of hell) and using bacon for things that aren't... well... bacon.

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > HammerheadFistpunch 12/14/2018 at 20:18

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fair doos then... i guess we can be friends 

fhrblig > nermal 12/14/2018 at 20:59

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We used to make those all the time growing up. They taste pretty much how you'd expect they would. I have a soft spot for them, and Kraft Spaghetti.

Textured Soy Protein > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 12/14/2018 at 21:35

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There was a pizza place in the town outside of Madison where I worked in my first real job and they put pickles on the cheeseburger pizza. One day someone at work ordered a bunch of pizzas and that was one of them. I was equally horrified and intrigued. It actually sort of worked. Kinda like how bars serve deep fried battered pickles with ranch dressing, I guess.

Far superior to Hawaiian pizza.

I suppose Hawaiian pizza could be redeemed if the ham were prosciutto, the pineapple were fresh and grilled over a flame for some char, and there was some kind of chili pepper to cut through the sweetness. Maybee som But in its usual form with deli ham and canned pineapple, it’s way the hell too sweet.

smobgirl > Textured Soy Protein 12/14/2018 at 21:53

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That sounds fucking amazing.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Textured Soy Protein 12/15/2018 at 15:52

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I do like a few fried pickles with ranch so that makes sense. And agreed on grilled or charred fresh pineapple. That sounds bomb. I’ve never had a Hawaiian pizza though. I was never a fan of ham on pizza back in my meat eating days. So I normally just add it on random pizzas on occasion. Sometimes I’m in the mood. Most toppings on pizza become mushy textural disaster and throw off the moisture. So I  only do pineapple at places I trust to make good za

WilliamsSW > HammerheadFistpunch 12/21/2018 at 16:22

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I’m mostly the same way, but I can make a pineapple habanero salsa that will change your mind.